Microphone Please ...
Wednesday, June 03, 2015
My dad passed away today June 3 10:45 a.m.
What goes through your mind is not his passing but rather he slipped and fell, probably unconscious or in a coma. As quick as I could, I hopped into my Honda and raced over there. Surprisingly enough not pushing one to two cars on the road out of the way. I got there and the police were there and my mom told me at that point he had passed away. My mind was still trying to process the fact that she could have been wrong. My father was on the floor in his room and I had to push through 4-5 officers to get to him. One office asked behind me "Is that your father?" I said yes and almost collapsed. I pushed him out of the way to get into the nearby laundry closet and shut the door. I don't know how long I was in there but lord did I cry. Nothing can every prepare you and be so incredibly abrupt. All I wanted to do was walk out and see my dad standing there saying he was OK. But that never happened.
My mom came in a couple of time to console me and my wife came shortly later. I didn't want to come out. All I could think of was my dad telling me "You have to take care of your mom now.". The pain was unimaginable and still is.I know its hard for anyone to imagine how can I put all of this down right now. I feel I have to, it's the only way I can cope and make sure I never forget this day.
I went out and to the kitchen, Lisa helped with the officers to make arrangements with them for my dad and the funeral home. The officers try to be polite as possible but all you can think of is you want them all out of your house and you want your father to sit up and chat with you. An officer stayed behind while the funeral home sent someone over. You have to understand. My father never liked the morbidity of death, funeral homes, viewings, funerals etc. We thought alike on this. He wanted it to be over and done with. He always said "I'm gone. I'm not there. Don't bother with it.". He wanted a quick cremation and put into a jar and taken back to Florida and his ashes spread on a lake where he used to swim as a kid in Palatka Fl. His heart was always there. I know he moved up here to help my mom for just this even but he still always wanted to go back and I am going to make sure that happens.
My mom and I sat in the backyard and talked. The gentlemen from the funeral home came by and picked up his body. My mom nor I cared to watch. I think it would have been too much to process for her. Apparently my dad wasn't feeling to well over the last few days or weeks and was constantly stating he was tired and just couldn't get around. Completely understandable and It was hard on my mother. She knew he was in the last stages of his life and she was preparing. After they left, we talked some more and we went to walmart. It was something that he would have liked doing when he had the energy. My mom and dad were very private people. If anything they always wanted to share there company together more then anyone elses. This year would have been 50 years they have been married. They didn't have much out of the world but they always had each other through everything else. My mom was saying the dads dog was having a hard time eating and he knew something was wrong with him. We got him some new dog food, some kind of shredded chicken for dogs, and brought it home. He seemed to like it. At this point I was pretty exhausted and had to take a nap. I came back home (6 blocks away in same town of Trophy Club) and just passed out in my bed after some more thoughts of things we did together as a kid. You think of the good things or they just come at you like a ton of bricks. I slept for 4 hours till 8pm.
I texted my mom but she didnt answer so I went back over. I asked if she ate. She wasn't much in the mood to eat, understandable. I went over to TT and got a cooked chicken and some sides. Brought it all back to her house and warmed it up. As usual, chicken was overcooked but I wasnt asking for much. We ate some, I listened to her grieve some more. You go through so much of the 'coulda woulda shoulda' but it was clear he wanted to go. Watching my mom process it all is though but I know thats not what my dad would have wanted. Again he and I had the same thoughts. Think of the good things, dwell on the happier times. Fishing, camping, vacations every year, so many good things but I can't detail them now as it would just hurt too much.
Look... I know anyone else that reads this is going to probably have some judgement but I can just say this. I am doing this for myself to remember. In the short of things I can't stress it enough as I tell my own family. No matter what misgivings you may have with your family when they're alive, put it aside. No matter what, they're your parents. Go see them, hug them, love them because before you know it. They're gone and all you can remember is every SINGLE DAMN GOOD THING they ever did for and with you. As part of this blog, I am going to detail those things I can remember now to make sure I never forget. Cause it's going to hurt. It's going to hurt a lot.
I love my dad. I miss my dad. I wish he were here just one more time. I'm so so sorry.
Love, Your only son.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Life seems to be moving at a brisk pace. Job is going somewhat well. Could be better in certain areas I just won't make public. I'm not really complaining. Probably just getting old. On the subject of physical things, it's not like I don't have everything I could ever want . Lord knows I have more computers then most. lol!. Rutt maybe the issue too. But then again one does like their comfort zones.
News is pretty damn depressing. Wars, people stupidity concerning the poor, sick and mentally ill. It just boggles my mind how people are so insensitive when it comes to money, religion and politics. Some people, at least from messages I have read, seem to be of the ilk of "Don't take what I go away from me, why should I have to pay or really.. I just dont care.". Over the past few years both of my daughters have volunteered hundreds of hours of their own time. That's not a thing you see much from people in my area. There are just a whole lot of people who talk a good talk but when it comes down to it, they'd rather close their doors and watch some "reality tv" or footbawl. We have become a very closed door, judgmental, leave me along society. It's sad. I'm glad my daughters and I talk. A lot. About everything and anything. I am glad they volunteer and are incredibly caring and considerate of others. They understand that we don't live in a bubble and we are a community and there are others who need help. Adrianne registered for her classes this week and one of the first things she jumped on was the volunteering LLC which is a course where not only can she engage in some writing but also volunteer her time with underprivileged kids in the Denton County area. Nobody had to goad her into it or pressure her, she jumped on it. Impressed.
Things coming up.
- Enjoy rest of vacation
- plug money away for college (buffer)
- Try and remain positive about things. Drink caff, get out go for a walk, get dumb crap off my mind.
- Adrianne officially starts school coming up on August 20th. Gear up for that.
- Keep mind focused on work. It pays the college bill. Stay positive here.
- Fix car (Yeah threw the clutch)
- Keep Adrianne focused on the important stuff.
- Zoe.. well Zoe is just going to be Zoe
- Mom, pass going in different directions. Meet in the middle occasionally. That's life.
That's enough from me and my usual ranting.
Sunday, June 01, 2014
A letter to my graduating daughter. Adrianne Owens.
I have an 18 year old daughter! How is that even possible? She graduates High School on June 10th 2014. How is that even possible? (tons of help thats for damn sure. Tongue in cheek.) I love this girl to death with all my heart but much like when I was a kid, you never realize how much your parents really do. It is so incredibly hard for me to imagine that it just feels like it was just not that long ago that we picked up everything and moved to this town of Trophy Club.
New job, new life, new baby girl and wife. So much history in this town and raising her here has been so much fun. It is the first time I have ever felt so connected to a place. Her first birthday in home on 5 Shasta. Her first soccer games blocks away. Her first preschool at the baptist church. Her first tumble down a flight of stairs in our house there. Moving to our next house off of village trail and then to our current house shortly after Zoe was born. Why does it just feel like it's all a blur?
Great teachers. Great school. Incredible new friends. So many of which went with Adrianne through her whole life so far. It's funny to think that not only did I get to watch her grow up, but our friends did too. As well as us getting to watch their kids grow too. She had so many challenges with her disease. But she always seems to just keep pushing on through. That's Adrianne. A fighter. I know we all have amazing kids but I can only seem to think about mine right now. A girl who has this unbridled sense of compassion when it comes to others. Even when it comes to being patient with me.
I can't tell you how many times we have been with her at some school event where little kids were around her and just flocked to her to play. She has always been that way. Parents telling us "Is that your daughter? She has such a good way with little kids. She went into that playroom and the kids just came to her and now they're all quiet.". Several times at a chick-fil-a I know of off hand. Volunteering and working with the babies at church, we're told she was a natural.
As many times as she has gone to school and brought along some home baked food or homemade candies staying up all hours of the night trying to get it just right so she could hand them out in her class at school. Just like an Owens really. Always wanting to make someone happy. Compassion. Caring. Giving.
When mom was pregnant, I remember her saying "I am wishing for a baby sister!". We didn't know until Zoe was born, that she got her wish. Good thing it wasn't a big sister. That would have been a problem. I don't think Zoe could have been born to a better sister like Adrianne. I don't think she would have been as smart as she is now without Adrianne to watch,mimic and play with. A sister who cares and shares like Adrianne does. (crying)
There was honestly a time when if you would have told me "You're going to be a dad to two beautiful girls.", I would have laughed and said you were nuts. But now, after so many campouts, birthdays, soccer games, parties, medical challenges, ear infections and other misc sickies I can't begin to describe, I wouldn't give it up for the world. Someone once asked me "Do you ever wish you had a boy?". My reply will always be the same. "Are you nuts? And miss being a dad to my daughters? Dressup's and tea parties? Hot wheels on the floor? Endless hugs, giggles and laughter? princess pi's, clothes shopping, boy discussions, Prom dresses (yeah its flowing now) Are you insane? No way!" I am and always will be a participating daddy. I am and always be a loving father.
I am and always will be my daughters daddy.
Yeah I need to find a tissue now.
Monday, February 10, 2014
I do want so much for the both of them and that much is clear. Let's see where life takes us.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
code monkey is back!
The wifi thermostat allows for monitoring and coding controls to and from the thermostat directly.
My latest venture so far has been some crude scripting to parse my data.
Since my router is always powered on running OpenWrt,
I run the scripts from the router. I run a crontab, which from the output you can see I have played with diff times to verify it works, so as to monitor any changes. While there are a number of tools out there that will allow you to change via web or devices, I want to monitor and track changes and possibly graph my data.
More on the thermostat itself...
api calls you can make using curl to the router
# My first script
date >> /home/julian/accompare
curl http://192.168.0.196/tstat/datalog > /home/julian/dataloginfo
curl http://192.168.0.196/tstat > /home/julian/tstatcollect
cut -d: -f 1,6,7,8,13,14,15 /home/julian/dataloginfo >> /home/julian/accompare
cut -d\, -f 1,2,3,4,5,6,10,11 /home/julian/tstatcollect >> /home/julian/accompa
Tue May 29 10:10:01 CDT 2012
Tue May 29 11:10:01 CDT 2012
Tue May 29 12:10:01 CDT 2012
Tue May 29 13:00:01 CDT 2012
Ongoing work todo's will be to graph the data and also do a curl against a webpage that can give me my local temp so I can add it to my collections. Perl will give me enough to pull from the data and apply in another format into a web page for viewing online.
Fun fun fun!
Monday, May 30, 2011
Saw Bridemaids last night with my wife. Hilarious as hell movie. I was surprised. Only thing though is I really recommend not watching so many trailers. It seems as though the trailers, especially after release, seem to show you more and more of the film. Shame.
Still want to go see Pirates in 3d.
oop, breakfast is calling.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Stab your eye out. (look it up...)
I think secretly I long for the days when we were just a little less visable.
It's raining outside. Thank God for small favors.